Christian Persecution Complex

As most people know by now, Jason Collins came out this week as the first active gay athlete in the NBA. In fact, if I understand correctly, he is the first active openly gay athlete in any of the major sports leagues. His announcement was met with an amazing amount of support–even from the President himself!

Of course not everyone was happy with Collins’ revelation–especially many conservative Christians. That’s OK; we’re all entitled to hold and respectfully express our viewpoints. At the same time, some of the commentary from “Christians” has been anything but respectful; in fact, some of the commentary has been quite hate-filled. And to be fair, not all of the commentary from “progressives” has been civil, either.

Something I don’t understand, however, is how some Christians have taken Collins’ announcement and turned it into a big pity party with Christian persecution as the primary theme. One post that landed on my Facebook page stated it was OK to profess being gay in the military, but professing your Christianity could get you discharged. And while I am still dubious of the validity of this post, I checked out the link for this claim, and the word used is “proselytize,” not profess. In other words, no religious conversion therapy allowed. Another post read: ”Tim Tebow gets bashed for professing Christianity. Jason Collins gets praised for professing homosexuality.” Then there was a scripture reference from Isaiah about the dangers of calling evil good.

Chicago Tribune political cartoonist Scott Stantis added his two cents, as well. This week he published a cartoon that in the first frame depicted Tim Tebow telling the media he’s a Christian, and the media tells him to keep it to himself. The second frame is a depiction of Jason Collins telling the media he’s gay, and the media calls him a hero. You can see the cartoon and accompanying commentary at:  http://newsblogs.chicagotribune.com/taking-a-stantis/2013/04/collinstebow-and-the-media.html.

Stantis states: ” This cartoon is a comment not so much on either Tebow or Collins but,  rather, on the media and the culture we live with today. The fact that  we seem to care more about what a high-profile athlete does with his  privates versus what they believe. Faith often informs a person how to  treat themselves and others around them. In Tebow’s case his profession  of faith was often met with derision.”

First, there is absolutely no comparison in the stories of these two athletes. Tim Tebow is a white, heterosexual evangelical Christian male–not exactly an oppressed minority in the United States. He is not the first professional athlete to profess his Christianity. He is, however, probably the first to apply for a trademark for his prayer pose (otherwise known as “Tebowing”). And let’s not forget the nickname some folks gave him when he played for the Denver Broncos: “The Mile High Messiah.” He received a hero’s welcome when he moved to the New York Jets, too. Although if you want to carry the Messiah imagery forward, Denver was like a Palm Sunday party and New York resembled Good Friday.  And so far, no resurrection. Tebow’s brand of Christianity received far more positive media exposure than it was ever bashed. And I’m fairly certain there aren’t many young men struggling with the decision of whether or not to be “openly Christian” for fear of not being able to play the sport of their choice.

Jason Collins, on the other hand, is a member of two historically oppressed minorities. He is the first active professional athlete to come out as gay. And we all know there are young LGBT people out there who struggle with the decision of whether or not to come out–and not being able to play the sports of their choice is often the least of their concerns. So, yeah, to me Jason Collins is a hero.

The only thing I can see these two men have in common is they are both Christians. Unless, of course, you agree with ESPN analyst Chris Broussard’s definition of Christian–a definition that excludes Collins and a host of other folks, including me. Actually, I consider that kind of exclusion a compliment.

Adding to the whole Christian persecution complex was National Organization for Marriage president Jennifer Roback-Morse, who told Lutheran Public Radio on Tuesday that it takes no courage to come out as gay. Something tells me she hasn’t read the homeless statistics for LGBT youth who are thrown out of their homes once they come out. Roback-Morse went on to say she believes it took more courage for Chris Broussard to say  he’s a Christian and that he believes ”sex belongs in marriage and it belongs in man-woman marriage.”

Yeah, it sure takes a lot of courage to profess you’re part of the religious majority, doesn’t it?

Here’s a thought. Maybe it isn’t as much the profession of faith as it is how that faith is shared that turns people off. Just because some people object to what largely amounts to Christian proselytizing–again, not profession of Christian faith–doesn’t mean Christians are being persecuted in the United States. Not praying in schools or before athletic events doesn’t mean anyone’s religious freedoms are being violated, either. And I don’t really care what words are on our currency. Given the war, poverty and various forms of oppression and abuse in the world, do you really think God cares whether or not the word “God” is on our currency?

As I’ve seen it expressed in other places, freedom of religion doesn’t mean just your religion. Or mine.

So let’s all take a step back and relax. No one is trying to steal anyone’s religious freedom. Then let’s get out there and feed some hungry people, clothe folks who need it, house people who need it, and profess our faiths in ways that make a real difference in the world.

Blessings on your journeys!

Flyin’ Our Theological Freak Flag With Pride

The congregation where I serve as pastor, Holy Covenant MCC, used the reflective season of Lent this year to consider our primary theological and spiritual identity. We began the process by using a survey I designed to address our beliefs regarding God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, atonement, heaven, hell, other faiths; what is most important to us as a community of faith and so on. The primary purpose of the survey was to set a foundation for changes in our mission, vision and programming. A secondary purpose for this survey was for us to start a discussion about what we mean when we say, “Well, of course we’re a Christian church.”

Or whether we should make that claim at all…

Yeah, I know the whole thing sounds quite dry. I mean, really, a survey? At the same time, the results of that survey have led to some very interesting observations and conversations in our community. So would you like to know what Holy Covenant learned about itself?

Well, we don’t fit into the mainstream of Trinitarian Protestant Christianity–and the predominant LGBT orientation of our congregants has little, if anything, to do with that fact. 82% of the survey respondents (and 70% of our congregants responded to the survey) have what is best called a Unitarian/New Thought view of God and Jesus; that is, God is of one nature (and that nature–in our congregation–is predominantly non-theist); and Jesus had one nature: human. Not only that, we’re all expressions of the One Reality or Source many people call “God.”

We’re quite Christian Humanist, too. Basically, for us, Jesus is very important as an amazing teacher, prophet and healer. Most of our congregants don’t focus on the later supernatural claims attributed to Jesus’ birth, life, resurrection and second coming. What I’m saying here is most of our folks don’t outright reject these claims about Jesus as much as those claims are not why they think Jesus is important, especially since we cannot prove them. For most of us, Jesus “saves” through the example of his life and teachings. We take the bible seriously, but not literally; and the holy writings of other faiths as well as the knowledge we gain from science is critical to the formation of our worldviews.

We are very Universalist, too. By that comment I mean we see all peaceful expressions of faith as valid paths to the Divine; and as far as hell or other forms of eternal damnation go, well, the response was “Hell? No!” Prayer is important, and we pray in different ways (mostly non-theist).

Communally, we value an open communion–everyone without exception–is welcome. And we are ready to open our doors wide to everyone who wants to be a positive part of our community–Christian and non-Christian–and yes, that is full participation including voice, vote, sitting on the board of directors, etc.

Was I surprised? No and Yes. No, because I’ve suspected for some time that we are more theologically liberal than we present; at the same time, I was surprised at just how not Trinitarian Protestant Christian we are. Is everyone happy with the results? No. A very few are concerned they are too conservative to remain at Holy Covenant. They have told me, however,  they know they are welcome and are not angry at all at the results of the survey. Many people have mentioned how happy they are we took the time to go through the survey process. As one person said, “We should have done this a long time ago.”

So, are we ”Christian” at Holy Covenant? Well, that depends on how you define ”Christian.” Someone even asked me if we should just keep all this quiet from our denominational leadership in case we get in trouble for not being “Christian” enough.

My response? ”Not at all. There are many ways to be MCC. I say, ’Let’s let our theological freak flag fly high with pride!”

Blessings on your journeys!

Going Out in Style

Last week I made the monthly trip to western Kentucky to visit my mom in the nursing home where she now lives. Our stepfather is by her side eight hours a day, if not more; yet, she becomes very agitated when he has to leave for any reason. Her behavior breaks his heart, of course; yet my sister and I–and the rest of our family–insist he has to take of himself. Mom receives excellent care and attention; and while I love her, our family also knows our stepfather has spoiled her with his undivided attention. He probably realizes this truth, as well; still, who are we to question how he expresses his love for her?

This trip included a quarterly Care Team planning meeting with the nursing home staff. Mom recently experienced another stroke; so her vocabulary is now even more limited than before the stroke. Mom’s health continues to deteriorate; this reality is a natural, yet disturbing part of her disease process. Most forms of therapy are now discontinued either because Mom has reached her insurance cap–don’t get me started on the inequities of our healthcare system–or because she simply isn’t responding to the therapies.

After that meeting and lunch, my sister and I met our stepfather at the local funeral home to plan both of their funeral services, as well as make burial arrangements–at his request. The funeral home Director is a hometown guy who knows our family well. My sister and I did most of the talking because our stepfather asked us to handle everything for both of them–which we are more than willing to do. We stopped frequently during the planning process to ask for his opinions only to hear, “You go ahead and do what you think is right; whatever you do for your mama, do for me. I have to get back to the nursing home pretty soon. Your mama is gonna be throwin’ a fit if I’m not there before long.”

The part of the process that disturbed me the most was picking out my parents’ caskets. As nice as the funeral home Director is, hearing the words, “OK, let’s go to the casket show room,” made me want to ask to the question, “Oooh, are there any clearance sales good for today only?” Yeah, I know; totally disrespectful; but really, a casket showroom?

Do you have any clue how many colors, varieties, etc. of caskets exist? Again, the funeral home Director is a great person; he didn’t pressure us at all. Based on our choice of a concrete vault to protect the casket from water damage, he recommended some possible selections. We chose a model available in a medium blue tone–affordable, nice, and in Mom’s color of choice. Then our stepfather tells us Mom wants to be buried in a light blue dress. Well, that is an issue because all the liners for this model are light blue. Mom is very slight now; her hair is white; she will “fade out” in a light blue dress in a casket with a light blue liner. All I could think was, “SHE WON’T KNOW WHAT FREAKIN’ COLOR OF DRESS SHE’S WEARING!” What I actually said, however, was far more professional and polite.

After all was said and done, my sister and I left together while our stepfather rushed back to the nursing home. I finally asked my sister, “OK. Most of our family believes when we die, the body decays and the soul immediately departs to either heaven or hell. Is that right?”

“Yes,” she replied.

“OK. Then why do we make such a fuss about what color dress or suit or anything else people are wearing? Why do we care whether or not the casket is water-tight? I understand respecting last wishes and honoring the body–I really do–but if you believe a person’s soul is either eternally blessed or eternally damned…”

There was no real definitive answer.

My grandma Carrie (my mother’s mother) always said she didn’t want a bunch of people staring at her dead body. She told her children to do whatever they wanted to do regarding funeral, burial etc. because they would whatever they wanted to do anyway. She didn’t want a public viewing because–as she said–”Some of those people never spent time with me when I was alive. What’s the big deal about seeing me when I’m dead?” Of course grandma was right; the kids did what they wanted to do; there was the usual public viewing, funeral procession and service at the graveside. It was beautiful, too; don’t get me wrong; it just wasn’t exactly what Grandma Carrie wanted.

At the end of the day, maybe this post is part of my grieving process. I don’t cry often; so maybe these words can represent my tears. Who knows?

One thing I DO know–I am so glad I’m being cremated.

Blessings on your journeys!

Theological “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”

“Don’t Ask, don’t tell” (DADT) was the official United States policy on gays serving in the military from December 1993 until September 2011. The idea behind this policy was to allow closeted LGBT personnel to serve in the military without fear of harassment and discharge. Even without addressing the total lack of moral integrity of DADT–there is nothing remotely moral about forcing people into the closet in order to serve the country they love–this policy never worked. There were still several cases of unauthorized investigations and harassment of LGBT personnel. It has now been a year and half since DADT was repealed, and none of the doomsday scenarios and mass breakdown of military morale predicted by some people have occurred. I can even imagine that without the stress of discovery and discharge hanging over their heads, some LGBT service personnel are performing at even higher levels than they did before DADT was repealed.

There are all kinds of DADT policies out there, too. Most of these policies are not in writing; you just know its best to keep your mouth closed about certain issues. And in my opinion, institutional religion is one of the biggest proponents of various DADT policies. There is, of course, the glaring example of the child abuse cover ups in the Catholic Church which are now increasingly being brought to our attention. Those atrocities, as painful and sad as they are, however, are not the subject of this post.

I’m talking more about theological DADT policies. For example, I remember a conversation I had with three colleagues a few years ago. One was Roman Catholic; one was Presbyterian (PCUSA); the third was Evangelical Lutheran (ELCA). We were discussing a variety of theological subjects over lunch; feeling safe with this group, I shared a few of my more “unorthodox” beliefs. Imagine my surprise when all three of them said that, for the most part, they were on the same page as me! One of them said, “I agree with your comments. I just can’t say those things in my congregation.” The other two clergy persons agreed.

Huh?

Now I do understand the concept of not intentionally upsetting congregants for shock effect. After all, if some congregants have issues with the church colors not being “correct,” can you imagine what would happen if you told them you don’t believe Jesus literally rose from the dead? Also, if you’re going to share some potentially unsettling theological insights either in a class or from the pulpit, you’d best be prepared to cite your sources and share how your reasoning has led you to those conclusions. Beyond that, I believe a pastor and/or teacher should do their best to walk with congregants through any theological disorientation their teachings may bring to these folks. Of course, even after we do our best to walk with these people, some may simply shake their heads and walk away–and that’s OK.

What is not OK is teaching and preaching what we do not believe just to keep the peace–and our jobs. What I’ve learned is, if I preach and teach using a combination of head and heart–if I preach and teach from a place of personal integrity–and if I give people plenty of room to agree to disagree–to believe and to be who they are with their own sense of integrity–things tend to work out because people feel safe, and they trust they aren’t going to be drummed out of the community simply because they don’t agree with the pastor.

I also think it is time we stopped playing DADT within our various denominations. I applaud reconciling congregations within the United Methodist Church; More Light congregations within the PCUSA; and all other openly LGBT affirming groups within various faith traditions. These congregations are doing what they can to say “NO!” to the policies of their denominations which offend their sense of theological integrity and belief.

Beyond policy issues, however, I think–no, I know–some of us feel a certain level of discomfort with the unspoken theological DADT policies in our denominations/associations. For example, we toss the word “Christian” around and write it into our bylaws like it means the same thing to everyone in a particular congregation/denomination/association. It doesn’t–and we know it. So why aren’t we talking about this issue?

Could it be…fear?

Fear of losing our jobs; fear of losing our leadership roles; fear of losing our lifetime membership in Club Christendom? I think it’s all that and perhaps a bit more. Let’s face it, folks. If you’re a pastor in a liberal and very diverse congregation, chances are you’re doing your best just to hold it together week to week. Sure, the journey is exciting and full of possibilities. You feel honored and in awe to be entrusted with the responsibilities of leading a congregation. I know I am.

And then there is all that day-to-day mundane stuff that must be handled. There are multiple personalities with whom we must learn to work–and them with us. Add some serious theological debate and the denominational politics that go with that debate and, well, who has the time? Mulitply that reality by the number of people in your congregation who most likely have some of the same questions as you, yet who are afraid of “rocking the boat.” Now, multiply that reality by the number of congregations in your denomination/association, put yourself in the seats of your senior leadership and, well, you get the point.

Still, I think we’re risking a lot by not having these conversations; and not just between like-minded colleagues at retreats and/or at church conferences. I mean trusting our congregants enough that we can have these conversations and still be communities that follow the spiritual paths to which we’ve been called. I mean trusting the senior leadership of our denominations/associations enough that we can say, “This is the spiritual path our congregation is following. It doesn’t fit your bylaw requirements, either. Can we talk?”

Well, can we?

Blessings on your journeys!

Hangovers

Although I still love a good Pinot Noir, it has been several years since I’ve experienced a serious hangover–and I don’t miss them. I don’t make these comments out of any sense of “holier than thouness;” I just enjoy good wine without the pounding headache the following morning (although it took some time for me to figure that one out).

Ever have a hangover? Not pretty, is it? Headaches for some folks; nausea for others–and if you’ve really tied one on, both;  a real sense of feeling like (fill in your favorite hangover adjective here). Regret for some; a “whatever” attitude for others. (I’ve found the “whatever” attitude tends to be most prevalent among the younger, more resilient set–it was for me back in the 80′s). And some people, unfortunately, seem to live in a constant hangover cycle.

We know better. We know what’s going to happen if we overindulge. Still, for whatever reason, we overindulge anyway and…hangover. Gee, how’d that happen?

It would be great if I could say that once I became serious about my religious commitments that I never had another hangover. It would be great, and it would be dishonest. You see, I think God–or at least our perception of God and/or God’s representatives and institutions–has been the source of many, many hangovers. And not all of them involve alcohol and drugs.

First there was the Constantinian hangover. I’m sure the earliest church leaders enjoyed being courted by the Emperor and debating theology at his seaside estate in Nicaea. Let’s face it, folks; compared to being lion food, there was no contest. At the same time, by coming out of the houses and tombs and into the public square, I think the church lost a lot of its early edginess–things like divergent theologies, scriptures, women leaders and more of a sense of God’s kindom in caring for the poor and outcast in the community. I think we can safely say that none of those council trips were free; the church paid–and sometimes still pays–dearly. Big hangover!

Then there was the Reformation hangover meant to address the Constantinian hangover. As leaders, women for the most part were still out; but at least “common folk” could read and interpret scripture for themselves. No pope. No priests. No Holy Roman Empire. Of course with such diversity of thought comes a whole new set of issues with which to contend; and therefore, denominations were born, each with its own hierarchy and take on what it meant to be a “real” Christian. Then there were those pesky Quakers, Unitarians and Universalists who largely refused to play by the established rules of either Catholic or Protestant Christianity. These–and other–groups took what they needed from Christianity and left the rest.

Denominationalism turned out to be quite the hangover inducer itself.  Seeking respectability, each group–even the Quakers, Unitarians and Universalists (who merged in 1961) shored up its own structure and sense of “orthodoxy”–although some groups went much further than others in their processes. Please don’t misunderstand me; I love good organization, structure and order–just ask anyone who knows me. Still, I believe overindulging in these things has caused quite the hangover for our churches today.

So to address that hangover, sometime during the 1990′s non-denominational groups (or groups with very loose denominational ties) became more prominent than in past years. I believe Rick Warren’s book “Purpose Driven Church” drove a lot of the interest in this movement; and while I do not agree with Warren’s theology, he does have some great ideas about church structure, organization and so on. Warren and others tapped into the current culture and its need for entertainment and convenience. Co-opt the music styles, fashions, and language of the current culture, mix it with some simple, black and white conservative theology, offer multiple services on various days and boom–the mega church is reborn! This formula worked for a long time, too. In fact, in some areas of the country it still works–although perhaps not as well as it did in the past.

Now we have what I call the “Cultural Convenience Hangover.” That is, as the cultural music styles, fashions, language, time commitments, etc. continue to rapidly change, a lot of churches are struggling to keep up with these changes. And if they don’t keep up, the stakes in members and money can be very high. Some leaders might even feel they’ve somehow failed God by not bringing enough people to Jesus. You see, we’ve overindulged in cultural convenience. And we all know what happens when we overindulge, right? Hangover!

I recently experienced the effects of the Cultural Convenience Hangover. In April our church is going from two services at 9 and 11 a.m. on Sundays to one service at 10:00 a.m. There’s been no church drama, split, etc. to drive this change. Realities like kid’s soccer games and other activities on Sunday, professional relocations, etc. have resulted in lower attendance in the past year. Our sanctuary can now accommodate the average attendance of both services. While new people are attending church, they have not fully made up for those who are now occasionally attending our church due to other scheduled commitments. So our board voted unanimously to move to the new schedule. We’re trying it for a few months, and as I explained to the congregation, should the need for two services arise due to consistent increased attendance, we will promptly address that need.

Fortunately there hasn’t been a huge outcry, which speaks to the maturity of most of our congregants. At the same time, there are a few folks who have said they will no longer attend after Easter due to the new schedule. Why not? The time is no longer convenient. That’s it.  Job obligations are not involved. Other important commitments are not involved. It is simply a matter of convenience–and we are no longer convenient for them. I respect their decisions; and at the same time those decisions frustrate me. Guess that’s what I get for being so “liberal,” huh?

Let me be clear. Religiously speaking, I am quite open . I make sure everyone who comes to our church knows that all peaceful expressions of spirituality–Christian and other than Christian–are welcome. Atheists, agnostics, humanists–everyone–is welcome at our church and they are invited to fully participate in the life of our church (and that includes receiving communion, if they are so inclined). For me, such inclusion is part of what it means to follow the teachings of Jesus.

All that said, the church–any church–is not here primarily for our convenience. Or as that great theologian Pink once said, “I’m not here for your entertainment.” Church–for me– is largely about community. And in community we do our best to work together; and that means we all have to make individual sacrifices at times for the good of the whole. And while all the world’s great religions emphasize love, there is also a very strong component of communal responsibility and accountability in these traditions.

Who knows? Maybe that lack of communal responsibility, sacrifice and accountability has been at the core of all our ecclesial hangovers. That is, we’ve overindulged in convenience–in the forms of Constantine, Luther, Warren, etc.– to the point when we can no longer sustain the high convenience brings, the hangover kicks in.

Maybe it’s time for a bit of recovery…

Blessings on your journeys!

As If

Valentine’s Day this year was frustrating, romantic and amazing. Let’s start with the frustrating part.

I met with my tax preparer on Valentine’s Day. She’s a wonderful person; helpful, professional and quite pleasant. This year she told me that because my Iowa marriage to Richard is considered a civil union in the state of Illinois, she will have to prepare a federal return as if we’re really married filing separately–same for my state return. Then, since we can’t officially file as married at all, she will have to prepare both returns with a single status.

As if?!? Really?!?

Please allow me to be clear: I wasn’t angry with my tax preparer. She was simply doing her job. And I didn’t tell her what was going through my mind, either. It was in that moment I began to understand why some people believe civil unions, while a step in the right direction, are just another form of “separate but equal,” which as we all know, is anything but.

As if. Richard has helped care for my elderly parents while my sister and I work. He left not one, but two good jobs when I accepted positions as a pastor first in Texas and then in Illinois. We made these decisions together, weighing the pros and cons. He sold our homes and arranged for the movers while I went ahead and started each job. I returned home each time to help Richard with the final packing and mover supervision, and then went to our new homes to supervise the arrival of our belongings while he tied up loose ends in our previous communities.

You know, like many “real” married couples do.

As if. I participated in Richard’s older daughter’s union celebration. I baptized our first grandson. I blessed the rings of Richard’s younger daughter and her partner. I was part of the groom’s family wedding party at his son’s wedding. I have a good relationship with all three of Richard’s children and our grandchildren.

You know, like many “real” spouses have with their spouses’ children and grandchildren.

As if. The romance came later when I returned home after my tax appointment. There was a Valentine’s Day card in the mail from Richard. He’s in Florida visiting his brother and sister-in-law; and when I helped him make the flight reservations we didn’t even think about the fact Richard would be gone on Valentine’s Day. Heck, we were just looking for a cheap flight that would allow him to enjoy some time with family away from the Chicago winter. When we realized Richard would be gone on Valentine’s Day, we simply adapted by going out for dinner the night before he left town.

You know, like many “real” “and “older” married couples do.

The amazing part of the day came when the Illinois Senate approved a marriage equality bill. The bill now heads to the House; and while its passage isn’t certain, the chances are very good we will have marriage equality in Illinois by the end of February. By the way, did you know the most vocal opposition to this bill is coming from conservative religious people? Some of the very people you think would promote stability in relationships, love and justice are opposing marriage equality because they believe the legal recognition of same-sex relationships somehow threatens their religious liberty and will destroy the moral social fabric of society.

As if. Personally I believe things like increasing gun violence coupled with fanatical resistance to reasonable gun legislation reform; tax laws and other legislation that widen the gap between the country’s richest and poorest people; and religious hierarchies that promote behavioral control through threats of hell and promises of heaven; as well as religious leaders who participate in cover ups of sexual abuse, have a far more negative impact on the moral social fabric of society than loving same-sex relationships.

Of course, until marriage equality is the law of the land in all states, chances are people like Richard and I will have to go through the whole “as if” routine for not only filing our taxes, but in various other areas of our lives as well. The good news is, we really don’t need anyone’s stamp of approval on our relationship–as nice, and legally speaking, beneficial–such recognition will be one day. We’re married. Just trust me on this one.

May your relationships–whatever forms they take–be healthy, loving and whole.

For Your Age

“For your age…”

I’ve been hearing versions of this comment more often during the last six months or so than in recent years. Or at least it seems that way to me.

The comment isn’t always negative, either. For example, in 2005 after experiencing some pain in my left knee, my doctor in Texas ran an MRI of both knees and told me I had bone on bone osteoarthritis in both knees. He prescribed six weeks of physical therapy and no running–ever. Last month a member at the church I serve asked me to join he and a couple of mutual friends in a sprint triathlon in Chicago in August. Since we already cycle together, I reminded him of the 2005 diagnosis. But after hearing from family members who “tri” that I could walk the 5K portion of the triathlon, I decided to check in with our new doctor here in the Chicago area; who, as it so happens, has a speciality in sports medicine.

The doctor here examined my knees and asked who told me I have bone on bone arthritis. I relayed the 2005 story, and she recommended X-rays as much cheaper and more reliable than an MRI. Three days after the X-rays I received her verdict: “There is no reason you cannot begin training for this sprint triathlon. Your knees are fine…

…for your age.” (I start training in February).

Another positive example of this qualifying comment relates to my YMCA employment (I teach two indoor cycling classes per week). Since I am required to have Continuing Education Credits as a Y employee, last fall I chose to be certified as a Strength and Conditioning Trainer. I enjoyed the training experience so much I am now in the process of becoming an NASM-certified Personal Trainer. For me, this certification training is a healthy use of my time; it is an area which interests me; and it gets my head out of “church world.”

At the Y training event, I asked one of the trainers what she thought of my becoming certified as an NASM Personal Trainer. Her response: “For your age, you are in good shape and have a lot to offer your peers as they retire and look for healthy retirement activities. Plus, as a pastor, you have a natural empathy for people and their needs.”

I didn’t tell her Pastoral Care was #5 on my list of Spiritual Gifts.

I decided to seek counsel from a younger colleague (and one of my strength class instructors) at our local Y. She said, “There’s a whole new market of people your age who need trainers who understand they aren’t trying to win body building contests or win the Tour de France. For your age, you’re reasonably fit and you get it. I think you’re an excellent candidate to be a Personal Trainer.” We’ve worked together long enough that I trust her; so I’m off and running.

Then there are those other examples, too (which apply to all of us of “a certain age”):

“Wow, you look great for your age.”

“We really appreciate hearing the perspectives of people your age as we start our visioning process.”

You get the point…

I will admit that perhaps–OK, probably–I’m a bit more sensitive to the “age issue” because during the last year my sister and I have entered “Elder Parent Care World” (see “Honor Thy Father and Mother” from January 2012). Mom entered a nursing home this month; and even though she is doing much better than we expected, it is a reminder of our possible future. My husband Richard and I now discuss our “final destination”–and we’re not talking eternity here, folks–a lot more often than we did even in the last five years.  Richard has worked hard and earned his retirement. I’m several years away from retirement. How do we negotiate this “in between” time?

Personal examples aside, here’s something to consider. When addressing people of any age, what if we tried saying, “Wow! You look great!” ”We appreciate hearing what you have to say as we begin our visioning process.” Again, you get the point.

This suggestion has a two-fold purpose, by the way. One, by not emphasizing age, we are simply appreciating folks for who they are–period. Everyone–young, middle-aged, old–is important. Two, when we overcompensate for age, I believe we allow otherwise healthy people to adopt a “victim” mentality. That is, “I’m too old (or too young); so I can’t do (fill in the blank). Yes, sometimes we can’t do certain things. Other times, however, we can–if we’re allowed to do so and encouraged to do so, that is. So as not only the bible, but other holy scriptures as well teach us, let’s lift one another up. Let’s encourage one another to live into our highest potentials.

After all, age is just a number. Attitude is a state of mind.

Blessings on your journeys!

Identity Issues

I’m old enough to remember when the answer to identity questions were fairly simple. You were either black or white, gay or straight, male or female, Christian or not Christian–you get the point.

The times, however, they are a changin’…

For various reasons, some people who are “racially black” might consider themselves more “white” than “black,” and vice versa. Younger people especially tend to see sexual orientation as fluid and not as a once-for-all fixed identity (I’ve seen examples of this phenomenon in the congregation I serve). Gender identity is now all over the map–male, female, transgender, gender queer, gender non-conforming, and I am sure I’ve missed at least one if not more gender identifications. To give you an example of how confusing the issue of identity can be for some folks, I know a person who identifies as biologically male with a heterosexual orientation, and whose gender and emotional identification and presentation is female. I cannot begin to imagine the issues with which this person must deal on a day-to-day basis. And for the record, she isn’t the one who is confused–it is me and many of her friends who don’t “get it.”

Then there is the matter of religious identification–in this case, specifically identification as a Christian.

I was raised as a Christian. And until I was 13, I thought there was only one kind of Christian–Apostolic, Oneness, Pentecostal Christian. Other folks were nice enough–just wrong, and unfortunately going to hell–especially the Catholics.

Then I met Mrs. Howser…

Mrs. Howser is the mother of a young man I babysat when I was 13. To me, she was June Cleaver Incarnate. Beautiful, polite, the perfect homemaker direct from the pages of a 1960′s Home Economics textbook (although with a part-time job at a local department store, she was pushing the boundaries of that image). At the same time, Mrs. Howser was–and probably still is–a Methodist. As a newly converted Pentecostal, I remember once “witnessing” to Mrs. Howser about “the truth” of Jesus Christ (at least the version of ”truth” I was taught at my church).

I will never forget her response. She gently explained to me how, while she didn’t always go to church, she prayed, watched church on television when her husband didn’t take her to church, and how she knew in her heart how much Jesus loved her–as he loved all people–regardless of what church they did or did not attend. Nevertheless, some of my friends at my church insisted that no matter how nice Mrs. Howser was, she was still going to hell because she was a Trinitarian who had not spoken in tongues and was not baptized correctly (in the name of Jesus).

As I look back on my life, I think that was the point I started leaving the church–at least in spirit. In my mind there was no way God would send Mrs. Howser to hell for eternity. I mean, really, what could she do to merit that sentence? Wear a little too much lipstick? Wear eye shadow and dye her hair? Wear jewelry other than her wedding ring? Actually love people for who they were–like Jesus did? Seriously?

41 years later I’m now the pastor of a “Christian” church. Who says the Universe doesn’t have a sense of humor? I put the Christian in quotation marks because we’re all over the theological map at the church I serve. We have former–and not so former–Catholics, Episcopalians, United Church of Christ folk, Trinitarians, Unitarians, agnostics, humanists–you name it–chances are you will find a kindred soul in our community of 60 or so folks.

So what unites us? To be honest, I’m not sure. That is the question we’re examining in 2013 at Holy Covenant. Are we a Christian church? Well, I guess that depends on your definition of “Christian” (and like “legion,” the definitions are many). I do know everyone at Holy Covenant loves Jesus and his teachings–even the annoying ones; and I know we believe different things about Jesus, his origins, life purpose, death and resurrection. Not everyone at Holy Covenant believes in a Supreme Being God; yet there is a respect and reverence for Mystery. The bible is holy–and so are the writings of other faiths. We represent the spectrum of orientations, gender identity and age, too. So what unites us?

Perhaps it is our humanity…

Blessings on your journeys!

god with a small “g”

Like millions of people, I’ve been trying to get my head around the mass shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School. This tragic event defies explanation; and the fact that so many of the shooting victims were small children makes this tragedy even harder for many of us to process. The fact is we will never know what caused Adam Lanza to first kill his mother, then 20 school children and six adults at Sandy Hook Elementary School, and then finally take his own life–never. And that reality is hard for many of us to handle because, well, we’re human beings, and not knowing why things happen makes us feel insecure, powerless and not in control.

And we do love being in control, don’t we?

Of course not knowing why things happen doesn’t prevent us from speculating and offering our opinions, and doing so in healthy ways can be therapeutic. Talking through inexplicable events like the Sandy Hook shootings can help us process our grief, confusion, and anger. Such processing can help us move toward our eventual healing. Healthy speculation can also lead to needed changes in the laws intended to protect and care for the most vulnerable members of our communities.

There has been religious commentary, however, that is nothing short of hateful, callous and ignorant–like some of the comments recently offered by people like Mike Huckabee, Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association and James Dobson. Friday–the day of the shootings–Huckabee said, “We ask why there is violence in our schools, but we have systematically removed God from our schools.  Should we be so surprised that schools would become a place of carnage?” On the same day, Fischer commented that God could have protected the victims of this massacre, but didn’t because “God is not going to go where he is not wanted” and so if school administrators really want to protect students, they will start every school day with prayer. Dobson added today that God has “allowed judgment to fall upon us” because the nation has turned its back on him by accepting things like abortion and gay marriage.

Then we have the folks from Westboro Baptist Church who, as of this writing, plan to picket the funerals of the murdered children and adults, and–according to Shirley Phelps-Roper–”sing praise to God for the glory of his work in executing his judgment.”

For people who see God as an external being who is all-powerful, all-knowing and all-loving, events like the one at Sandy Hook Elementary are especially challenging; and comments and actions from people like Huckabee, Fischer, Dobson and Phelps-Roper do nothing to help anyone process their feelings and begin healing. If anything, these comments and actions have the potential to encourage people to walk away from anything that even remotely smells of faith, religion and God. To me, the god described by Huckabee, Fischer, Dobson and Phelps-Roper is a petty, spoiled child god with a small “g” and is not worthy of my attention–much less my worship and devotion.

To me, assigning blame–or giving credit–to any deity for everything that happens in life which we can’t explain not only downplays our inherent beauty and giftedness, it also absolves us from our responsibility to love mercy, do justice and walk humbly in this life. At the same time, events like the one at Sandy Hook Elementary are challenging for people like me who, while not believing in an external Supreme Being who tweaks events at his/her/it’s/their discretion, also deeply feel there is a mystery about creation and the universe which is a cause for reverence and respect (a stance referred to by William Murry as humanistic religious naturalism). What folks like me are left to ponder is the very real possibility that, in the end, life is mysterious, beautiful and yes, sometimes tragic. We can’t explain it–period.  And that possibility really bothers people like me who want to help–people who want to “make it better” for folks who are hurting and who are looking for answers.

Perhaps in the end healing and hope in the face of life’s tragedies eventually comes–not by reinstating prayer in schools or by sacrificing intelligence and reason to appease an angry god–but by relying on the inherent worth, dignity, love  and giftedness of one another. These are the gifts of a mysterious awe-inspiring Universe…

A Universe some choose to call “God”–with a capital “G.”

Hitting the “Pause” Button

I saw a Facebook post this week which is the inspiration for this blog post. In it, a clergy person is standing in front of her congregation on a Sunday in Advent encouraging those in attendance to slow down. The next day she is shown being bombarded on all sides with questions which, of course, need her immediate attention–especially during this busy season of Advent. The peaceful look on her face on Sunday has now turned to a frazzled look within 24 hours. Truth be told, it probably took far less than 24 hours for that transition.

Sound familiar? If you’re a clergy person, I’m sure this story does ring a bell–or a few. At the same time, you don’t have to be a clergy person to struggle with reconciling the idea of the spirit of hope, peace, joy and love (which I consider to be the particular focus of Advent, and for some people that spirit is made manifest in the birth of Jesus) with the reality that this season is extremely stressful on many levels. Let’s admit it; shopping, decorating, parties and church, when condensed into a short period of time have the potential to rob of us of the hope, peace, joy and love of not only this season, but also of life itself. And for some folks, this type of stress is a year-round struggle.

This year, however,  I’ve hit the “pause” button. For example:

We had a “tree malfunction” at church this year. Translation: Our huge, beautiful 25 year-old artificial tree finally broke–literally broke at the base–during decorating. Rather than running out and buying a similar tree and hastily decorating it the day before the first Sunday of Advent, however, we put up a simple, small tree. A slightly larger 4-foot tree will take its place later this week or perhaps early next week–it depends on when we find time to decorate it. We put up some nice banners and wreaths as well; but all the glitz and glamour of previous years is largely gone.

And so is all the stress of decorating the sanctuary, fellowship hall and outdoors ”to the nine’s” with a few volunteers.

I’ve hit the pause button personally, too. In November I was approved as an official candidate for full ministerial fellowship in the UUA. My plan was to hold ministerial credentials in both MCC and the UUA. And if you’ve read any of my previous posts, the values of MCC and the UUA are not mutually exclusive. So I could remain true to what I see as my growing UU identity while ministering in MCC, as well as broaden my professional credentials all at the same time.  A win-win situation, right?

Not really. As I continued to “count the cost” of plural standing in terms of time, commitment, finances, family life–not to mention my personal health and well-being–I decided to hit the pause button. Please don’t misunderstand me; nothing the UUA asked of me is unreasonable–not at all. In fact, in many aspects the UUA ministerial fellowship process reflects what MCC requires of incoming clergy candidates seeking licensure and ordination. I completed this process with MCC 12 years ago, so I know the joys and challenges of such an undertaking. Still, I preach and teach self-care to others. So why would I add so much to my “To Do” list when it is already quite full?

I think this is a great question. Not only for me, but also for many of us–both clergy and non-clergy types. I mean, really, what are we trying to prove and to whom? Of course there’s nothing wrong with improving ourselves through additional education; and there’s nothing wrong with working hard and making the sacrifices necessary to secure a reasonable standard of living and (hopefully) retirement one day. Having beautifully decorated sanctuaries, moving holiday services and the like are wonderful, too.

At the same time, I believe there comes a time when enough is enough. That is, there comes a time when the fabulous decorations aren’t worth the frayed nerves and hurt feelings the process generated–whether those decorations are for the church or for our homes. There comes a time when the upgraded car, home and shiny gadgets aren’t worth the extra hours at work–or even the extra job–it requires to first obtain, then continue to maintain those things. There comes a time when that next professional designation or degree–while desirable–isn’t worth the toll it takes on our lives and the lives of those we love.

Again, achievement and seeking success are fine; after all, I love nice things and success as much as the next person, and I am a self-identified education freak. Still, and as Jesus is quoted as saying in Mark 8:36: “What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you?” The good news for me is I don’t have to lose the “real me” as a UU in order to minister in my current context; still, the time did come for me to ask when enough is enough when it comes to taking on another credentialing process; and I decided now is the time to hit the “pause” button. I think I actually felt my blood pressure go down when I made that decision, too.

In the end, we can’t remove all stressors from our lives; and yes, there will always be a certain amount of extra stress during the holiday season. Still, however and whenever we can, let’s consider hitting the “pause” button. Let’s take time to remember what is really important in our lives. Breathe in. Breathe out. Relax.

And live–truly live.

Blessed be.